I'll start, keep adding on
1. Chuck Norris made you read this!
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good
Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
10. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
12. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
13. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
14. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
15. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
16. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
17. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
18. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
19. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
20. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
21. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
22. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
23. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. it's a shame he never cries...never.
24. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a
stripper in it.
25. Chuck Norris sweats Snapple.
26. Chuck Norris runs with scissors and other people get hurt.
27. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
28. When Chuck Norris plays Tetris, the game runs out of pieces to give him.
29. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, He decides what time it is.
30. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris Jokes 
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